I wrote this in April, and am publishing it now because of Jr’s wonderfully compassionate response to Joseph Biden’s cancer diagnosis.
Remaining a MAGA has been a challenge the past several days, what with President Trump — mashed potatoes be upon his head — having crashed the global economy to prove to his monstrous late father that he isn’t a lazy, incompetent, infantile, petty, delusional, corrupt, heartless, and very stupid bully whose sole interests are self-glorification and self-enrichment, but one with the power to crash the global economy. But a memory of early in this topsy-turvy year got me through it.
That memory was of President Trump’s handsome eldest son Don Jr reacting at Turning Point USA to the news that Sen. Joni Ernst of Iowa was seriously considering voting not to confirm SOD Smegma (I’ve also seen it spelled Kegbreath, but I don’t think that’s right either), in contravention of the wishes of President Trump — mashed potatoes be upon his head — who had nominated SOD Smegma only after extensive review of the qualifications of literally dozens of candidates, all nominated by the military-industrial complex’s finest minds.
The moment that Jr erased any doubt that he is qualified to continue his dad’s legacy will live on in American political history. Much more than an eager puppy almost wetting itself trying to get its master’s attention, he was more composed-seeming, more deliberate than we’d ever seen him. What he had to say was momentous, it was clear, and no one was going to rush him through it. He sneered a manly sneer, gazed for a fraction of a moment into the distance, presumably imagining an even better America, and said, “Make them [MAGA apostates] feel the pain. I think Joni Ernst learned this a little bit the hard way — “ETP,” education through pain. It’s a very simple concept.”
A very simple concept, sir (God, it suddenly somehow feels so right to address him no less deferentially than we would address his pop — mashed potatoes be upon his head), but one whose magnificence only the most deranged leftist lunatic would impugn. Believe what My Father Who Art in the White House tells you believe, or be made to suffer! The choice is yours! A lesson learned painfully is not a lesson casually forgotten!
A man who has actually done what lesser men dream of — gone to Africa and shot wild animals dead. A man who, with ETP, has coined the acronym of the era. A man whose sexual magnetism is such that he was married to the hot blonde now fucking no less a titan of the culture than Tiger Woods. A man who has written best-selling books, and whose Time Person of the Year father, that master of understatement, has called “a good kid”. (Mashed potatoes be upon his head!) A man in whose hands America’s re-greatenedness is safe.
Jr. The man who, in the face of President Biden’s cancer diagnosis, has alone had the courage to tweet about Dr. Jill Biden’s apparent failure to appreciate how very ill her husband was — or the integrity to reveal it. Jr!
It’s excruciating even to imagine it, but there is likely to come a time when we no longer have President Donald Trump — mashed potatoes be upon his head — to embody our greatness. But it’s exhilarating to realize that when Jesus calls Pop to his side, Junior will be there to pick up his sword. And by the time Jr is himself old and flabby and showing unmistakable signs of precipitous cognitive decline, Third Son Bannon, on whose uncanny knack for turning laptops off and on President Trump — mashed potatoes be upon his head — rhapsodized about with Laura Ingraham, will be there to tower over the cowering woke.
Interesting couple of frauds
Junior is also a piece of work.