In 1964 I joined my relatives in sitting death watch over my uncle who was dying of Hodgkins disease. a muscular 180 lb man had rotted away to an 80 lb living corpse that smelled of death.
The attending doctor informed me that he was on morphine pills, that the morphine pills were counted, and if I gave him any morphine other than as directed I would be guilty of murder.
My uncle came to, saw me and asked me to please give him the pills, I cried, I'm sorry but I can't, this was in Christofascist god fearing Texas.
I now live in a liberal paradise, and in the last year two of my wife's relatives, a brother and an uncle, chose euthanasia, over the lingering suffering of throat cancer and congestive heart failure.
If it gets that bad,, I am going to self euthanize
In my opinion, the decision to self euthanize is a personal choice, and I will not stand in the way of a persons choice.
I used to be fervently against suicide. I come from 3 generations of this and my brother is now teetering on the edge. And I'll say this: Without warning, it hits like a concussion bomb through generations. And you have no idea the harm that travels into the future. Everyone is left with wondering why, and a deep sadness is just there. I had a "normal" childhood, but there was just sadness in the air that no one talked about.
I've changed my viewpoint on all this.
A. You hit this: if you "save" someone from suicide, you better be committed to devoting a good portion of your life to saving them forever.
B. You grow up not truly downloading the reality of "oh yeah, I'm going to fking die one day and I have no idea how it will happen and no idea how lingering, drawn out, or horrific it might be. And until I had experienced that with someone else, I hadn't given it much thought.
C. So yeah. My body, my choice. If I know that I had some horrific terminal disease that will leave me paralyzed, gasping for air, painful, whatever, then I'm going to make a plan and will be utterly clear with EVERYONE so no one is blindsided. So that people could even, possibly, be happy that I made that choice, or at least they understand.
My brother's depression runs so deep, so hard, it destroyed his life. After a extremely successful career in the movie industry, an amazing marriage to a extremely smart and beautiful woman, a fantastic daughter, he blew it all apart. Every bit of it. And he talks about suicide. And if that happens, I forgive him. idk what it is, but I can feel him. I'll have a bad feeling and get a call the next day that he's been taken to a hospital. I can feel his sadness, it's somewhere around my stomach area, and if this is only a 10th of how he feels, it's unbearable.
So I'm going back to point A. Something I figured out as a little kid. I can't help or change this for a person. Somehow they have to change. I spent so much time as a child trying to make sad grown-ups happy, I understood my job. That's what children bring. I think now, that some people just break upon the way. And no matter how many ropes I throw into the black hole, he's not going to grab any. And it feels too close, that I can be pulled over the edge. He has to find strength to climb out on his own. I changed everything about my life about 13 years ago. It can be done. The black hole is far, far away. But I don't know if it's possible for people to completely realign and change their life outlook. I think maybe I was just lucky.
Sure seems like the “rescuers” are more focused on preventing escapes than actually helping anybody. They even restrained him to make sure he can’t change his mind.
You can’t stop someone who seriously wants to end it. You CAN provide a method that allows them to accomplish their goal without harming others. Jumping off something risks landing on an innocent bystander.
It’s been my experience the trick is staying alive - doing yourself in is pretty easy if you’re serious. Most people are more wanting help than seriously trying to do themselves in, or there would be far more successful suicides.
We shoot horses don't we? I still mourn the loss of my Kendra, a cat of 9 years, we had a special bond, but she had a bad case of enlarged heart leading to pulmonary edema. I kept her alive for two years with my oxygen concentrator, and diuretic pills, but eventually they stopped working and she was suffering trying to breath. With a heavy heart and tears I took her to the vet and held her while she took her last breath. I still think of her, and actually feel guilty, but she suffered so and it isn't right to have anyone or anything, especially that which you love, suffer
In 1964 I joined my relatives in sitting death watch over my uncle who was dying of Hodgkins disease. a muscular 180 lb man had rotted away to an 80 lb living corpse that smelled of death.
The attending doctor informed me that he was on morphine pills, that the morphine pills were counted, and if I gave him any morphine other than as directed I would be guilty of murder.
My uncle came to, saw me and asked me to please give him the pills, I cried, I'm sorry but I can't, this was in Christofascist god fearing Texas.
I now live in a liberal paradise, and in the last year two of my wife's relatives, a brother and an uncle, chose euthanasia, over the lingering suffering of throat cancer and congestive heart failure.
If it gets that bad,, I am going to self euthanize
In my opinion, the decision to self euthanize is a personal choice, and I will not stand in the way of a persons choice.
I had a similar, similarly horrific, experience with my mother, WF. The difference being that my mother was never going to come to again. https://johnmendelssohn.substack.com/p/blast-from-past-day-to-remember
I used to be fervently against suicide. I come from 3 generations of this and my brother is now teetering on the edge. And I'll say this: Without warning, it hits like a concussion bomb through generations. And you have no idea the harm that travels into the future. Everyone is left with wondering why, and a deep sadness is just there. I had a "normal" childhood, but there was just sadness in the air that no one talked about.
I've changed my viewpoint on all this.
A. You hit this: if you "save" someone from suicide, you better be committed to devoting a good portion of your life to saving them forever.
B. You grow up not truly downloading the reality of "oh yeah, I'm going to fking die one day and I have no idea how it will happen and no idea how lingering, drawn out, or horrific it might be. And until I had experienced that with someone else, I hadn't given it much thought.
C. So yeah. My body, my choice. If I know that I had some horrific terminal disease that will leave me paralyzed, gasping for air, painful, whatever, then I'm going to make a plan and will be utterly clear with EVERYONE so no one is blindsided. So that people could even, possibly, be happy that I made that choice, or at least they understand.
My brother's depression runs so deep, so hard, it destroyed his life. After a extremely successful career in the movie industry, an amazing marriage to a extremely smart and beautiful woman, a fantastic daughter, he blew it all apart. Every bit of it. And he talks about suicide. And if that happens, I forgive him. idk what it is, but I can feel him. I'll have a bad feeling and get a call the next day that he's been taken to a hospital. I can feel his sadness, it's somewhere around my stomach area, and if this is only a 10th of how he feels, it's unbearable.
So I'm going back to point A. Something I figured out as a little kid. I can't help or change this for a person. Somehow they have to change. I spent so much time as a child trying to make sad grown-ups happy, I understood my job. That's what children bring. I think now, that some people just break upon the way. And no matter how many ropes I throw into the black hole, he's not going to grab any. And it feels too close, that I can be pulled over the edge. He has to find strength to climb out on his own. I changed everything about my life about 13 years ago. It can be done. The black hole is far, far away. But I don't know if it's possible for people to completely realign and change their life outlook. I think maybe I was just lucky.
Why isn’t this a standalone essay, madam?
Just thinking about that. Me going off in the moment.
Sure seems like the “rescuers” are more focused on preventing escapes than actually helping anybody. They even restrained him to make sure he can’t change his mind.
You can’t stop someone who seriously wants to end it. You CAN provide a method that allows them to accomplish their goal without harming others. Jumping off something risks landing on an innocent bystander.
Did I not mention my opposition to the hopelessly despondent taking others with them? :-)
It’s been my experience the trick is staying alive - doing yourself in is pretty easy if you’re serious. Most people are more wanting help than seriously trying to do themselves in, or there would be far more successful suicides.
I’m curious about the photographer’s perspective. Where, exactly, was he or she standing?
We shoot horses don't we? I still mourn the loss of my Kendra, a cat of 9 years, we had a special bond, but she had a bad case of enlarged heart leading to pulmonary edema. I kept her alive for two years with my oxygen concentrator, and diuretic pills, but eventually they stopped working and she was suffering trying to breath. With a heavy heart and tears I took her to the vet and held her while she took her last breath. I still think of her, and actually feel guilty, but she suffered so and it isn't right to have anyone or anything, especially that which you love, suffer