Do the Math, You DEI-atollas!

Are six glitches a year all that catastrophic?

Leave it to the left to make a mountain out of a molehill, whatever a molehill is. So national security advisor and lapsed Kamala Harris runing mate Gov. Walz of Minnesota somehow added this Jeffrey Goldberg person to a digital conference on Signal (whatever that is!) about a forthcoming attack on the so-called Houthis (whoever they are) in a place called Yemen. And of course this natural inclination of anyone with a name ending in “berg’ or “stein” — there, I’ve said it aloud, or at least typed it! — is to try to monetize the mistake in some way, never mind that Gov. Walz has a family including the neurodivergent son. But what do the -steins and -berg people, not one of whom isn’t on the George Soros payroll, pause for a millisecond to consider such things?

President Don Sr. — mashed potatoes be upon his head — the late actor Jack Lemmon, Jaydeigh Vance, and Secretary of Defense Hedwig share a tense moment in what Don Sr. has made the Awful Office.

As President Trump — mashed potatoes be upon his head — pointed out, he and his team have been in power for only two months, and this is its first major security “glitch”. Do the woketards and DEI-atollas never make mistakes? Has Jeffrey Goldberg’s wife Whoopi ever been guilty of a flat or sharp note over the course of her singing career?

Do the math, woketards! At the rate of one every other month, we can expect Denmark, Greenland, Panama, and other enemies of America to get their grubby little hands on American bombing plans only half a dozen times over the course of a year.

And here’s the even more reassuring news. Gov. Walz conferred with Supreme Overlord of the Universe Musk shortly after Jeffrey Goldberg went squealing to the New York Times about getting some of the country’s Finest Technological Minds to figure out how Goldberg exercised Jewish mind control— there, I’ve said it aloud! — to get Gov. Walz to add Goldberg to the guest list for the wasting-the-Houthis chat. As this went to press, SOU Musk was deciding which of the pubescent racists currently sabotaging Medicaid and Social Security should head the investigation.

Speaking of heads, when contacted at his corner office in the Pentagon, the prolifically tattooed Secretary of Defense Hedwig, none of whose tats resemble in the slightest those of any of the 200 Venezuelans’ unlawfully deported to El Salvador last week, manfully seized the opportunity to characterize Jeffrey Goldberg as a peddler of hoaxes. “Some readers,” he speculated, “will ill-advisedly remember the most notorious of those hoaxes, writer Adam Serwer’s 2018 explication of Donald Trump’s voracious sadism, ‘The Cruelty Is the Point’.

“Anyone with half a brain can see very clearly that President Trump — mashed potatoes be upon his head —is primarily about self-glorification, and only secondarily, or even tertiarily, about cruelty.

“The president remembers with characteristic clarity how the Houthis brutalized the Tootsies in Rwanda in 1994. The president will not allow that sort of horror to be repeated in Yeah, Man, or whatever the fuck the place we bombed is called, or might come to be called at some point in the future.”

With that, the secretary, on whose breath no alcohol was evident, in significant part because it’s impossible to smell another’s breath on even the most sophisticated smartphone, manfully returned to removing all likenesses of servicemen and women of color from the Pentagon’s hallowed corridors.

Meanwhile, Donald Trump Jr., the second stupidest living American after his brother Eric Jr, helpfully pointed out in a tweet that the real issue here is that Jeffrey Goldberg is a registered Democrat.

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