We Will NOT Let Them Ghadffi You, Sir!

His is the power and glory, and ours the guns and gullibility

The first couple of months of your second term as our president has been tumultuous, sir. No one can deny that, but who, other than the most head-up-his-ass woketard, would have expected any less?

You dared to use tariffs, which you have described as both beautiful and very powerful, not only against China, but against the two countries whose privilege it is to share North America with us. You told us that “politicians haven’t used [them] because they were either dishonest, stupid, or paid off in some other form.” Well, if there are three things no one could credibly accuse you of being, sir, they’re dishonest, stupid, and corrupt.

Sure, your beautiful — and may I say manly? — tariffs threaten to cause many Canadians, including white ones, to lose their livelihoods, and plunge Canada into a recession. But really, what has Canada ever given us? The woketard singing idols Neil Young, Joni Mitchell, and Rush? Maple syrup? Canadian bacon? And howzabout we bear in mind that they have it in their hands to save themselves, just by agreeing to become our 51st state, or 52nd, should Greenland beat them to it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Dow fell a fairly terrifying 650 points when you confirmed your tariffs. But it is sure to soar anew when you order that Canadian bacon henceforth be known as American bacon.

How great thou art, sir!

We will not let this happen to you, sir. It’s inhumane and indecent, if there are two things we’ve learned from you, they’re that it’s imperative to be decent and humane.

The whiners of the left insist that, in the face of 20% to 25% tariffs, produce and gasoline will become as unaffordable as eggs. But you know what we say to them, sir, and loudly? STFU!

And this whole DOGE business, sir. A great many federal employees — many of whom have pleaded in vain (you have golf to play!) for your help on Formerly Twitter — have been “let go”. Well, tough titty, right, sir? Maybe before they applied for their jobs they should have noted that the federal government is bloated and corrupt (not entirely unlike yourself, sir, some have had the colossal indecency to suggest!), and likely, when a leader of your or Secretary Musk’s brilliance came to power, to be shitcanned. Boo hoo!

Predictably, many woketards (no few of whom had more important things to do when their country invited them to join the armed forces) point out that a lot of the jobs to which Secretary Musk has taken his magic chainsaw were held by the very veterans for whom you are known to have bottomless affection and gratitude. Well, put this in your pipes and smoke it, woketards: "President Trump has consistently stood up for our brave men and women in uniform – delivering crucial reforms that improved VA healthcare, decreased Veteran homelessness, and enhanced education benefits,” says no less reliable an authority than White House spokesperson Anna Kelly, via email.

Nothing has the left more upset than your and Secretary Musk’s having ended USAid. They point out that children in 177 recipient countries have been left without food, and that in many (presumably shithole) countries, polio, malaria and tuberculosis are all rubbing their hands with glee, thinking that they can now make dramatic comebacks.

Well, two words, woketards: America first! If the rest of the world — a large percentage of which is swarthy, and doesn’t speak good English — wants not to get polio, malaria or tuberculosis, why don’t they hire and equip their own to, you know, combat them?

Then there’s also the wholesale, very expensive deportation of filthy, disgusting, brown rapists, fentanyl dealers, and former mental patients who speak English with unpleasant accents and couldn’t trouble themselves to enter our beautiful country the right, legal way. Our hearts just bleed for them, sir. Not! Keep on keepin’ on, Czar Homan and senior advisor Miller. America for Americans!

There are woketards who suggest that by summer’e end, sir, your head will have been shaved, and that, stripped of your Brioni suits and extra-long neckties, you will be marched through the streets of Washington DC and West Palm Beach like the French women who’d fucked Nazis during World War II, being pelted with rotten fruit, being spat on and cursed for having ruined our great country rather than restored its greatness. Well, bear this firmly in your remarkable mind, sir: We are notoriously well armed. As yours is the power and glory, ours is the guns and the gullibility, the unshakeable lunatic belief that you were sent by God to restore American greatness.

Be assured, sir, that the chances of someone ramming an inflexible object up your ass, as a member of Libya’s National Liberation Army rammed a stick up Colonel Ghaddafi’s in 2011, are almost immeasurably remote. In no small part thanks to the example you’ve set, we’re better than that, sir!