Tesla Resurgent! A Nation Exults!
You can’t keep a good man down, or a brilliant car company.
Yesterday afternoon, in the Jews Will Not Replace Us Room, on the 318th floor of Dubai’s Burj Khalifa, Tesla board chairman Robyn Denslow assured the company’s stockholders that in spite of the homeless now refusing to allow passers-by to put Tesla stock certificates in their grubby Styrofoam “donation” cups, Tesla, like the hearts in Celine Dion’s stirring Titantic theme song, will go on, and then, having gone on, achieve undreamed-of pinnacles of wonderfulness this summer.
“Even in the face of the American — and, indeed, the international — public having come to cringe in revulsion at the mere mention of CEO Elon Musk, our incomparable engineering team has come up with an innovation certain both to shock and awe all those in the electric automotive space, and to restore public respect and affection for our brand.
“The residents of many American cities have become accustomed to seeing Waymo and other driverless taxis. By September of this year, we believe that they will have become nearly as accustomed to seeing Tesla taxis lacking not only drivers, but passengers too!”
The announcement inspired many journalists to murmur, “Wow!”, and many others, the glass-half-empty types, to wonder aloud how Tesla envisioned monetizing its remarkable new innovation. “The hard part was coming up with the innovation,” Denslow smirked. “We anticipate monetization being the easy part.”
Said Göran Bergstrom, the bilingual automotive design ritic for the Stockholm Breeze, “This looks certain to generate as much excitement for the Tesla brand as anything since the Cybertruck, the most hideous vehicle in automotive history.”
The Joy of Dining Alone in Chic Restaurants
It’s perfectly peachy for them to eat and drink by yourself at Starbucks or fast fooderies, but our reaction dining alone in a restaurant with tablecloths and menus they’re handed by servers who introduce themselves is typically pity, revulsion, or discomfort, or all three at once. Newl moved out of the family home and into a de(fo)rmitory at college, I…
The Indian rubbish truck inspiration is hilarious.
That picture. Is that a real truck or trailer. At first I thought it was a Tesla trashed by a protestor, but looking again I notiece that the bed was were the drivers compartment was, and that other features were not automotive. Was it AI generated or is it a real vehicle or trailer?