Six Weeks to Lovelier Hair (Or: Ronald's Big One)

I work out daily across the frozen river at Newburgh’s Planet Fitness, which bills itself as the No-Judgement Zone, with judgment misspelled; the idea is that competing gyms will sneer at you or call you a flabboat if you come in bearing little resemblance to Brad Pitt in Troy. Grunting of the sort so popular at the Gold’s in Fishkill, which was full of…