Nothing But the Best for Our Brave Jan 6 Heroes!

President Trump needs our help again,

Dudes? Can I get everybody’s attention for a second? This won’t take long.

Have you been enjoying Vegas? I know for a lot of you, this is your first time here. Is it something, this place, or what! I’m guessing you’re pretty happy with your view suites? And I’m guessing that those of you who didn’t bring your old ladies are pretty pleased with the escorts who served your steaks? It’s a wonder the banquet room didn’t burst into flame with all that hotness in it!

Nothing but the best for our brave Jan Six patriots, right?

Seen any shows? Me and the hottest escort it’s ever been my personal pleasure to tap saw — you probably won’t believe this — friggin’ Donny and Marie last night. I’m normally a lot more of an AC/DC or Kid Rock guy, but I’m going to admit I enjoyed it. I don’t know about you, but I’d tap Marie, old as she may be, and hard. Anybody with me on that? I thought so!

But let’s get down to business. Your country owes you guys big time. The president hasn’t forgotten what you went through, being maced and what-not, being incarcerated for a couple of years in many cases, being separated from your families, being put in solitary, probably even being gang-raped by your fellow inmates of color, though I can certianly understand your not wanting to talk about it. Awful shit. Just awful. Your weekend in Vegas is the administration’s way of saying, “Hey, you know when we’re going to forget what you did for your country? Friggin’ never is when!

That said, Mr. Trump needs your help again. As you’ve probably noticed, the wokes are mobilizing. Huge marches and rallies and what-not pretty much everywhere you look, and honestly, how could they be any more disgusting? DEI-o-rama! Race-mixing! LGBTQ up the wazoo! (Hey, how about that? That was off-the-cuff. Really! I’m a poet and I didn’t even know it!) Trans freaks. People in wheelchairs, and I’d bet half of them aren’t even paraplegic. Invest in a wheelchair and get on the disability gravy train is my guess.

And their speakers? Give me a break, will you please? Bernie, who’s what, around 150 years old now? Pocahontas Warren? The little Latina with the huge ass? Shifty Schiff? The circus is in town, brothers! The sickening, scary thing being that tens of thousands of people — they always exaggerate how many of them there are, but there’s no getting around that there’s more and more of them — are starting to take these Marxist and whatever lunatics seriously. And of course the fake new media is trying to make us believe that there’s some huge…what’s that word they always use?…groundswell of lunatic leftist “resistance”.

What I want to know is resistance to what? To America’s greatness being restored? To the rest of the world respecting, or at least fearing us? To Elon having saved each and every one of us American taxpayers a shitload of money?

God, these people are friggin’ numbskulls, but like I said, numerous. And a clear and present danger to President Trump’s agenda.

You brave patriots have stood up for him before. And now he’s going to ask you to do it again. What we need is volunteers — lots of volunteers! — to represent MAGA at these big woke rallies. You’ll wear your MAGA cap and carry a pro-MAGA sign that’ll piss the leftist lunatics off big time. The angrier you make them, the better. Why? Because we want the National Guard to get involved. You’re going to friggin’ love this. We’ll claim that they’re there to protect the protestors, when the fact is that the Guard will be there to kill or badly injure a couple of them, to start a riot that’ll make the George Floyd ones and Charlottesville seem like a white child’s birthday party in comparison.

The name of the game here is: fatalities! They’ll allow President Trump to declare martial law. At which point, the shit will really hit the fan for the lunatic left. Their panties were in a twist because that Palestinian protestor dude got disappeared a few weeks ago? Well, you ain’t seen nothing yet, Marxist fucktard!

We got a martyr in Ashli Babbitt, but A. She wasn’t a woman, but also a woman with mental health “issues”, and B. And a lot of people have forgotten about her. We need a dude, preferably a young one.

Sound like fun? Fuckin’-A it does! But I don’t want to sugarcoat anything. I’ll leave that to the woketards! It’s going to be dangerous — maybe very dangerous. When the Guard starts firing, it may not be only the libtards that get shot. It may be you or me, brother.

Wow, it sure got quiet in here! But here’s the deal. President Trump wouldn’t be asking if we didn’t know you to be a badass from January 6. And another thing to bear in mind is that if you don’t sign up, there’s things we can do to make you wish you had. Pardons can be retracted by executive order, you know. Back taxes can be found to be owed.

A word to the wise, brothers.