Don't Dump Him, Katie. He Might Do the Unthinkable!

A lot of folks are flabbergasted or alarmed, or, in some cases, both, to learn that Katie Miller, is leaving the White House to work full time for the colorful and dynamic automobile manufacturer Elon Musk.

Many observers are afraid that Katie’s having run off at least professionally with the dashing neurodivergent multibillionaire Musk may mean the end of her storybook romance with Secretary of Xenophobia Stephen Miller, which romance helped millions of American girls realize that even though they may hold great heaping basketfuls of toxic beliefs, they too can snag a handsome young husband who doesn’t just have toxic beliefs, but is actually toxicity made flesh.

Many onlookers wonder if Katie’s having dumped Steve, if that’s in fact what she’s done, might send President Trump into a spiral of despair that might result in what mental health professionals and those hoping to impress them call suicidal ideation.

I think we can agree that if poor Secretary Miller were to take the Jeffrey Epstein route out of his unbearable anguish, all of us would be much the poorer. Deprived of his eloquently sycophantic advisor’s sage counsel, which is never not tempered with the sort of compassion that evangelical Christian base prizes above all else, President Trump might make less wise and wonderful decisions than we have come to expect of him.

Reconsider, Katie. Please. For all our sakes. For America’s.