Childishly Derogatory Names for the First Fascist Cabinet, and Other Appointees!
I do my bit to ease The Transition
On taking office, President-erect Trump is of course going to have much on his mind, to whatever extent he may be described as having one. Transforming the country he professes so loudly and not at all credibly to love into a gay fascist kleptocracy isn’t something one can do while watching Fox and Friends, playing golf, or dashing off semiliterate mini-jeremiads on the hilariously named Truth Social.
My intense past loathing of him notwithstanding, I have recognized that it’s my moral responsibility as an American expatriate to give him one last chance, and to contribute to the success of his second time at bat, if you will, by saving him the trouble of having to think of childishly derogatory nicknames for the Cabinet and other nominees who will no doubt have begun fleeing from him in droves within a couple of months.
Collect ‘em all! Swap ‘em with your friends! Lead what the sort of person who likes to use blatantly redundant and pretensions expressions like “lived experience” thinks is your “best life”!
Marco Rubio Secretary of State
Marky Murk [alt: Seńorito Besador de Culo]
Pam Bondi Attorney General
Spam Bondi [alt: Pam Botttleblondi]
Pete Hegseth Secretary of Defense
Pete Pigsbreath [alt: Tattooboi]
Tulsi Gabbard Director of National Intelligence
Tersely Garbled
Susie Wiles Chief of Staff
(I give her around two months, tops)
Stephen Miller Deputy Chief of Staff
The Pustule That Wears Suits and Sneers
Thomas Homan Border Czar
Tommy Yo-Mama’s-a-Ho’-Man
Michael Waltz National Security Advisor
Wasn’t he Kameltoes Harris’s running mate?
Mehmet Oz Medicaid
The Wizard of Quack
Joe Rogan Bro
Joe Rogaine, Not!
Lee Zeldin EPA
Sleaze Eldin
Kristi Noem Homeland Security
Dances to Gay Anthems
John Ratcliffe CIA Director
Johnny Ratf*ck (apologies to Charles Pierce)
Elise Stefanik UN Ambassador
Elsie Stepped-in-It
Brooke Rollins Secretary of Agriculture
Crook Fallen
Howard Lutnick Secretary of Commerce
Coward Nudnik
Sean Duffy Secretary of Transportation
Shown Deficient
Martin A Makary FDA
Mart the Fart
Linda McMahon Secretary of Education
Secretary Bodyslam [alt: Linda McMayhem]
Matthew G. Whitaker NATO Ambassador
Matty Witless
Scott Turner Secretary of Housing
Scotty Turncoat
Janette Neshelwatt Surgeon General
Dr. Low-Wattage
Todd Blanche Deputy Attorney General
Toad Blandishment
D. John Sauer Solicitor General
General Sourpuss
John Phelan Secretary of the Navy
Johnny Feel-‘em-up
Kash Patel FBI
Crush Patella
Michael Faulkender Treasury Deputy Secretary
This one’s too easy
Billy Long IRS
Billy Morbid Obesity
David Perdue Ambassador to China
Duey Chickenplucker
Kimberly Guilfoyle Ambassador to Greece (including Lesbos)
Kimberly Gargoyle
Steven Witkoff Middle East Envoy
Little Stevie Jerkoff
Elon Musk Supreme Overlord of the Universe
Sir
For Ms Gargoyle I have appropriated the name supplied by Tommy Campbell (a comedian) Paul Stanley's Makeup Lab Explosion in a Bon Jovi wig. Or just Makeup Lab Explosion.
I wonder what you have in mind for Mike Pillow, who predictably did NOT secure a job with Der Failure despite spending all his money and credit on his Turd Reich. But he did make up laugh a lot, so keep it up Mike Pillow!
much love to you John M.
I’m partial to the moniker, Felonious Drumpf.