And the Lord said, in ALL-CAPS English...

How on earth does President Trump find the time and energy to have done so many wonderful things for our country in only two months?

Last week, he signed an executive order making English the official language of the USA. Naturally, the woketards and DEI enthusiasts were up in arms about it. But do you know what the woketards and DEI enthusiasts also oppose? Christianity — and I’m not talking about the undignified noisy kind practiced in the…African American community, but the nice white-as-in-Caucasian kind — being designated the national religion. Which should give you an idea of how depraved these people are.

What language do the woke suppose both God and Jesus spoke, if not English? To find out, they would need only find the Bible provided in virtually every hotel room in the land. Does God say, “Let there be light,” or does He say, “Dejes existir luz?” *

(A short aside. Do you know that Aretha Franklin, who cut her musical teeth in one of those noisy churches, once had the privilege of working for Mr. Trump “on numerous occasions”, as an entertainer at one of his casinos? Lucky gal!)

The executive order calls for the recission of a mandate originally issued by President Bill Clinton that ensured that millions of Americans could access government services, regardless of their primary language, by requiring federal agencies that receive federal funding to provide language assistance to non-English speakers.

(Need I remind you to whom Bill Clinton is married? Does the weird foreign place name Benghazi mean anything to you? And why, while we’re here, is Attorney General Bondi dragging her heels on locking the pair of them up and tossing the key into the middle of the Gulf of America? I’m guessing she’s being thwarted by some deep-state employee of George Soros. Go get him or her, Director Patel and Deputy Director Bongino!)

Some agencies have said they’ll continue providing services in ungodly languages, but the new executive order means they’re no longer compelled to do so. If a particular agency wants to deny services that non-English speakers’ tax dollars have helped pay for, hey, tough titty, Mr. or Ms. Foreigner!

So life will become more difficult for the eight percent of the population whose English is awful or non-existent, and the rest of us are supposed to be grief-stricken? Did we learn nothing from the disaster that is the Americans With Disability Act, thanks to which decent, hard-working normal people are compelled to help pay for ramps and cut curbs and what-have-you for the crippled and deformed?

I appreciate that this will strike some as intemperate, but I’m going to say it anyway. I favor English Speakers Only drinking fountains and waiting rooms. Show me someone who enjoys fellow passengers babbling in some godforsaken foreign language, and I’ll show you a woketard, or a Hillary voter!

* Oops. I didn’t know that. Honest! I don’t know a syllable of anything other than English. Why would I want to? I’ve forgotten 100 percent of the Hebrew I learned before my bar mitzvah. You gotta believe me, Czar Homan!